It was just two short (long) years ago that my poker adventure began. I had made a decision that I wanted poker to be more than just a hobby and it was time to start making that happen. I was a week and a half removed from a double hernia surgery and I had to go back to work in a couple days, so I did what any sensible patient would do: I went to Vegas.
I had recently completed Annie Duke's Decide To Play Great Poker (DTPGP), she was giving a DTPGP seminar in Vegas, and that's where I was headed (thanks, Mom). Regardless of what people might think of Annie as a businesswoman (see: Epic Poker), she's a great poker teacher. Getting to listen to her expand on the topics discussed in her book and getting to run through practice hands with some accomplished pros was a learning experience I'll never forget. I finished the four day trip with a renewed, if not new-found, desire to make poker a large part of my life and a large part of my income and up a few hundred bucks.
For Christmas my mom gave me Jared Tendler's The Mental Game of Poker. This was good because my (over-inflated) confidence from the seminar had led to me losing all the money I won whilst in Vegas. This book got me re-focused on why I was making the decisions I was making and how to change them.
As 2012 began, it seemed a little serendipitous that I won $300 in a fantasy football league. Before I even had the cash in my hand, I went to my local casino and sat down at the poker table. In four hours I turned it into $900 and I was on my way. Over the next two months I experienced two losing sessions and had run my bankroll up to $2000. I was playing smart and making good decisions.
Then the wheels came off.
Losing session followed losing session and after a month my bankroll was $0. I had gotten away from what had made me a successful player. I started thinking I was SO much better than the other players at the table that I didn't need to focus on the basics.
I was wrong and I knew it.
Unfortunately, I also didn't have a bankroll. Since then I've gone to the local casinos every now and then and fooled around, but I've never been able to re-capture what I had. I've just recently let myself accept what I've known all along: it's my fault I'm not playing well. There's a decent amount of mental strength needed to sit at a poker table for hours on end and continue to play well. It's a decision that one makes for oneself as to whether or not to have that discipline. It's a decision one makes for oneself as to whether or not something in one's life is important enough to put in the effort to get better at it.
Well I'm ready. I know I've said this before and failed. Or, rather, decided not to put in that effort. I can see now that this will be a constant struggle for me, but like they say, recognizing the problem is the first step towards fixing the problem. So I'm gonna keep these declarations of poker devotion coming, because one day it'll stick.
I leave for Vegas tomorrow (today if you're not reading the the minute I post it). I'm going for a friend's birthday, not for poker. I might play some poker. I don't know. But the timing of the trip made me think about the past two years and what I haven't accomplished in regards to my poker goals.
And it's time to get back at it.
I want poker in my life. I want to be good at it. I want to be BETTER at it. I want it to matter. And matter it will.
